My photos & shame
Sunday, April 10, 2022

Last Friday I worked with the gorgeous Amanda Billing (@intomeandsee) to have some photo’s taken for my website.  Something quite out of my comfort zone - in fact the last time I had professional photos taken was nearly 11 years ago on my wedding day.  They are beautiful - and I’m so happy with them - for a situation that felt very unnatural, Amanda made me feel very comfortable in my own skin in front of the camera - a true pro.  However as I started to review them I had a wave of shame come over me about these photos - you see in a lot of them I’m sitting on a meditation cushion without back support, with my hair & make up done wearing gorgeous dresses & I can’t remember a time I have EVER meditated like this.  What was I thinking?  Oh dear, am I contributing to the misconceptions of what meditating truly is?

DISCLAIMER - I only ever practice with my back supported.  I practise sitting comfortably.  Most of my morning practices are as soon as I wake up & are in my bed, in my undies.  And the others are on my couch, on a chair or in the car- somewhere comfy.  It’s more of this than and less of what my photos depict.    But a photo of me in my undies in bed next to my hubby asleep, and my dog snoring & dirty washing on the floor  is not a photo for my website.  So I think the shame feeling was more fear - fear of “getting it wrong”.  My  practice is special, it’s personal, it’s become an integral part of my life.  And it’s not about how we look, it’s about how we feel.     But here I am - all dressed up doing something I love - so I felt the shame / fear, gave it space & the attention it needed and eventually the feeling let go of me.